sensational, shameless, no not sang-froid " seniors"

first of all, I would like to point out that the word " sang-froid" is wicked awesome. For those of you who dont know the definition, it beens having the state of calmess; keeping your cool.
Now, for the good stuff... Every Saturday and Sunday evenings from 4:00-6:00, I volunteer at an assisted living facility. Rule #1- never call it an old fokes home. younger, disables residents reside there too, and calling it that would be very disrespectful. Now, these past weeks have all come and gone so fast. Volunteering there gives me the pride and feeling of accomplishment, and boy is it EVER so hilarious. After all, you never know whats gonna go on there. heres a very, uh, interesting list... ( please-continue reading-this is worth your while)
- when asking a very polite and humorous resident what she would like to drink for supper, she simply looked and me with one of those wide grins and said " vodka!"
-I was escorting a lost resident to her room because she forgot where it was. When I took her inside, she asked me to help her take her jewelry and coat off. I had laid her coat on her sofa, only to turn around and see her with no shirt on. no bra either.
-A very impatient and thirsty resident always askes for about 2-3 cups of cranberry juice per meal. If he doesnt get it within a 5 minute period, he flags you down and throws a fit.
- There is a younger resident , who, sadly, has the mind of an eight year old. She sometimes brings her barbie to the table, and one time started kicking the entrance door and screaming that she couldnt get out to go to church. And all the while, she stands there cursing. :0
-Theres a resident who had asked me how old I was. When I stood there and told him 14, he said " well, dang. I was gonna ask you to marry me." Ever since then, he has been my " fiance."
-That same man had come to supper wearing a cowboy hat one evening.
I was calling him a cowboy, and when i asked him if he was gonna tie up some cows with a lasso, he sat there and went " yes. Moooo!"
-My favorite resident, who is either 97 or 99 years old once told me that he was too old to, uh, do any " harm" to a woman if you know what I mean."
- One resident didnt come down to dinner one evening, and when i was asked to go get him, he opened the door with his fly undone.
- onother resident sits down for dinner beating his hands against the table. As I was dealing with another resident, he got up and " let one loose" with each step he took.
- That same man mentioned above also pees in the middle of the hallway. wow.
- A very kind lady resident there has a communication problem. We saw her talking one day, and thought it was to another resident. It turns out, she was talking to the mirror. When we called her down for supper, she turns to her reflection and says " I'll kill you later. "
- There is another lady who I think is definitely the life of the party. She'll take any given moment to bust a move on the floor, and within seconds she's got both residents and employees " shakin their tail feather."
- Ahh... the audacity of some seniors! I went to go pick up this mans tray, who, might I add, had licked his bowl clean. As I went for it, he slapped my hand and said " I'm not done! Theres still more!" well, that bowl was so clean it was sparkling...
- Nothing more confusing than trying to communicate with a spanish resident. Apparently, her teeth were hurting, and she would fuss when we brought her food. " Coffee! Coffee!" she argued.
- When you get to be that age, you sometimes dont have it all together. One resident thought she had lost her money, and was questioning one of the other residents at her table about it. That lady was offended, and the two of them fought the whole evening until the one left and marched to her room.

Well, I can assure you that there will be more stories to come. And trust me, some have left me scarred... lol. I'll get back to you all on them!!